It’s warmer today
but not warm enough
to thaw
the underlying blanket of immobility
pressing on my good intentions
not warm enough to ease the paralyzing numbness
so effectively preventing my lungs
from daring to inhale
a restoring breath of hope
I find myself waiting for the unflinching heat of change
before I shed the embarrassing layers of self-preservation
I seem to have accumulated
over this winter of chaos and cruelty
Heavier than a weighted blanket is
this oppressive mistrust of people and systems
The constant and intentional onslaught has
knocked me flat.
Has left me playing the role of victim
rather than the able-bodied author of my own story
Today, I’ve allowed discouragement
to fall like a boot on my neck
preemptively squashing my optimism.
I’ve succumb to the chill
of the defeated.
Okay, now I’ve named it.
And next I’m going to shed at least a few of the heavy layers I’ve been collecting.
I’m going to be brave.
I’m going to be hopeful.
I’m going to remind myself LOVE wins.
I’m going to unearth my box of matches.
Against all inclination to burrow in,
I will set my intention on sparking a flame
And I will pray that flame
might lend the warmth
someone else needs
in order to do the same.
I am reminded of the first three verses of a hymn I love.
1. O love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
2. O Light that follows all my way,
I yield my flick'ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
3. O Joy that seekest me thru' pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow thru' the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
