Flame

 It’s warmer today

but not warm enough

to thaw 

the underlying blanket of immobility 

pressing on my good intentions 

not warm enough to ease the paralyzing numbness

so effectively preventing my lungs

from daring to inhale 

a restoring breath of hope

I find myself waiting for the unflinching heat of change

before I shed the embarrassing layers of self-preservation 

I seem to have accumulated

over this winter of chaos and cruelty 

Heavier than a weighted blanket is

this oppressive mistrust of people and systems

The constant and intentional onslaught has

knocked me flat.

Has left me playing the role of victim 

rather than the able-bodied author of my own story

Today, I’ve allowed discouragement

to fall like a boot on my neck

preemptively squashing my optimism. 

I’ve succumb to the chill 

of the defeated.

Okay, now I’ve named it.

And next I’m going to shed at least a few of the heavy layers I’ve been collecting.

I’m going to be brave.

I’m going to be hopeful. 

I’m going to remind myself LOVE wins. 

I’m going to unearth my box of matches.  

Against all inclination to burrow in, 

I will set my intention on sparking a flame

And I will pray that flame 

might lend the warmth 

someone else needs

in order to do the same. 

I am reminded of the first three verses of a hymn I love. 

1. O love that will not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

2. O Light that follows all my way,

I yield my flick'ring torch to thee;

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

That in thy sunshine's blaze its day

May brighter, fairer be.

3. O Joy that seekest me thru' pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee;

I trace the rainbow thru' the rain

And feel the promise is not vain

That morn shall tearless be.